I have babysat a roomful of six year olds, my heart beating louder than a pack of screaming hyenas. I walked out with them quiet and safe in their parents arms,

I improvised a speech I never wrote to an audience of millionaire entrepreneurs that ended in a standing O,

Often I danced with titanic sharks, and even
French kissed Killer Whales.

I have slept deep in the grip of ink black jungles on mid summer nights, no dream.

Once I Hung on with two broken arms five hundred feet above my demise, without a whimper.

I skated through fields of dead bodies in not just one but two very nasty wars.

Played tag with the devil and in the end hung his left horn above my fireplace, yeah my fire place I owed him that.

I swam naked on the crest of a waterfall from the top of its peak to the concrete sheet at its bottom.

Many times, I partied with death, her bones drenched in the fluids of our perverse acts of sex, but not once did she leave the party with me on her arm.

But please.
p p p please,
don't make me talk to MY EX-WIFE again!